Backlog #2: My Breastfeeding Journey

I successfully exclusively breastfeeding Chloe for 3 months. It would have been longer if not because I have breast abscess. I had wanted to direct latch but no matter how I tried, I was unsuccessful.  I had not been successfully letting the 2 elder girls to direct latch. So, I was hoping Chloe would latch. 

She was practically "sucking" non-stop. I was so tired and my bones were like breaking. Although she seems like sucking, I am sure she didn't get any milk. It was a very soft sucking which I don't think will draw out any milk. Moreover, lack of urine is also a proof. I started to pump out my milk on the second day. I pumped every 2 hours and sometimes lesser than that as I need enough milk for Chloe. I managed to expressed 1 ounce of colostrum on my first try. But it wouldn't be enough. Since I do not want to use any formula milk, I have to rigorously pump. Subsequently, I managed to get 2 ounces and then went up to 5 ounces and during certain time of the days, it can go up to more than 10 ounces.

Colostrum

 I was using Medela Mini Electric pump which is not for heavy pumping. As per my understanding, it should not be used more than 6 times a day. I definitely used more than 6 times a day as I pumped every 1.5 to 2 hours. By the end of the first month, the motor of the pump has stopped working. I was desperately looking for another pump. Previously, I used manual pumps to pump out milk for the 2 elder girls. So I was trying to see whether those manual pumps still can be used. But then I realised that I have no more workable pump. All my manual pumps have been used up to the end of their lifetime. 

Then I decided that I must invest in a better quality pump if I intend to pump for a very long time. After browsing through the pumps available in the market, I decided to get myself an Avent Double Electric Pump. I bought it online. In the meantime, I have to have a pump for me to pump before my Avent pump is delivered to me. So, I sent hubby out to buy a manual pump for me. He came home with Pureen manual pump. Before pumping, I thought it would be better for me to sterilised the pump first. End up, it melted and I have never even use it. I think it is my own fault. The manual doesn't mentioned anything about sterilising the pump in a steriliser but I still put it in the steriliser and it melted. So, I sent hubby out to buy another manual pump. This time, I told him to just simply choose some cheaper manual pump as I don't want to burn his hard-earned money. In case if it doesn't last long, I wouldn't be so heartache.

I initially just bought 20 storage bottles. Coupled with the bottles from the old pumps, I have about 23 to 24 bottles. These are not enough. Other than Chloe, I have been feeding the 2 elder girls 1 to 2 times a day with my milk as I don't have enough storage bottles. I also bathed Chloe with my breast milk as I don't have enough storage bottles to store the expressed milk. When I told my dear sister about this, she bought 2 more boxes of bottles for me. As my milk becomes more and more, the roughly 45 bottles that I have was also not sufficient. So, Chloe is getting more frequent milk bath. 

Being an exclusive pumping mummy is not easy. I have to bring my breast pump wherever I go. If I need to be out for a very long period, I have to bring ice packs, bottles of breastmilk and a cup for heating the milk. I remembered one occasion when I went to Berjaya Times Square. I went to the baby room to pump. There were a diaper changing area, a toilet and a breasfeeding corner with curtain and a sink which is situated at the breastfeeding corner. While I was pumping in the baby room with a curtain drawn, a mummy came in bringing all her teenage children. They were just plain lazy to queue at the normal toilet, I guessed. They used the toilet in the baby room. She is well aware that I am pumping milk as the curtain was drawn. But she still pull open the curtain and came into the breastfeeding corner to wash her hands followed by her children. How inconsiderate these people can be? There were also once when I was in Aeon Bandaraya Melaka's baby room to pump. It was so packed. Some with so many family members inside. There are 3 breastfeeding rooms in the baby room, if I am not mistaken. All are occupied. What enraged me was that there was one room which was occupied by a bottle-feeding grandma with few family members standing there watching and the door open. They do not need to use the room to bottle-feed the toddler. They can just sit on the sofa in the baby room instead of hogging the nursing room and thus depriving people like me to use the room. I really wish all these people can be more considerate.

When I went back to work after my maternity leaves ended, I have to change my pumping schedule. I would not be able to pump every 2 hours. In fact I have started to drag my pumping time to a longer interval roughly 1 month before I am expected to turn up at office. I was only able to pump once around 6am before I prepare for work, then at 10am in the office toilet, 12pm at home, 4pm in the office toilet, 8.00pm and 11.30pm at home. During these time, I already started to wonder whether there is anything wrong as my yield is not as much as it should be. I know it is not because of me producing lesser milk. Something must be wrong somewhere. The milk is not shooting out like previously although I feel that my breasts still feel full. I wondered whether I have blocked ducts. I have 3 fibroadenomas  on my right breast. So, I don't know whether those were blocked ducts or fibroadenoma. Nevertheless, I still massaged and try to see whether I can  clear them in case they are blocked ducts. There were 1 patches which became very red and imflammed. However, I do not have fever. I went to see my lactation consultant. She diagnosed it as mastitis and prescribed me some antibiotic. In my mind, I think it seems more like breast abscess to me. It is so painful. It has never cross my mind that breastfeeding can be this difficult. Then the next day I asked hubby to bring me to see a breast surgeon.

I went to see her in the morning. When the result came out in the afternoon, it is confirmed that I have breast abscess. She asked me to prepare to undergo surgery to remove the abscess immediately. However, I asked her to arranged it to the next day as I still have to make arrangement for the children. When I asked her whether I still can continue to express my milk, she said better don't as she is not an expert in that field. She doesn't know how much of the excretions of drugs used will enter the breast milk. So she prescribed Dostinex to me to stop milk production. I followed her instruction but then I really can't stand. My breasts were really engorged. So she told me to just pump a little bit to relieve the pain from engorgement and throw the milk away. 

Then the next morning, they prep me for the surgery and I was on general anaesthesia. By the time I woke up, they have successfully operated on me. The surgeon told me that by the time she operated on me, the condition is already like volcano splashing its lava. If I waited any longer, I would have more unsightly scar. I was told to go for wound dressing everyday. I asked her whether I can go for dressing in hospital near my house. She agreed and wrote me a reference letter. The dressing was so painful that I hope nobody else would need to go through that kind of pain. It was an open wound. Everyday, during the dressing procedure, they will pull out a very long cloth (I don't know what they called it) out from the wound and wash the inside cavity of the wound. Then, they will reinsert the long cloth back into the wound. Day by day, new flesh will grow to cover the cavity of the open wound. I have to go for the dressing every single day till the flesh has fully grown to cover the entire wound. It was so painful when they pull out the cloth from the wound, when they clean it and when they reinsert it back. I was not given any anaesthetics during this procedure. It is my worst nightmare. I still shiver when I think of it now.

The doctor in the hospital where I did my dressing also asked me not to pump out any milk as she doesn't want me to stimulate my milk production again. I told her I feel very painful and uncomfortable. So I paid my lactation consultant a visit a week after that. When I told her of the advices of the other doctors, she was so angry. She said even if I want to stop production, it cannot be so abrupt. I still have to pump out some milk to relieve the pain. from engorgement. The medicine is not a magic potion which can allow me to stop immediately. I still have to give time to my body to adjust to this condition. She told me I should have go and see her earlier. The baby still can drink the expressed milk as the excretion in the milk would be so minimal. I tried to express my milk from the unaffected breast but since I have stop to pump for quite sometime, I do not have enough milk even for 1 feeding. So I decided to totally stop pumping thus ending my rather short breastfeeding journey. My storage at that point of time was just enough for 1 week's feeding. So after my stock is finished, I gave Chloe formula milk. She was exclusively on breastmilk for 3 months and 1 week.

These are the remaining milk after I stopped pumping

This is the last bottle of thawed frozen breastmilk

Backlog #1: Baby Chloe (Oct 2012)

This is my first entry after a long hiatus. My last entry before this was in October 2012. Wow! That was like ages ago. There are many important milestones during my hibernation period that I wish to record down so that I can go through them when I grow older.  

First thing first. Introducing the latest baby in the house; Baby Chloe. I gave birth to Chloe on 14 October 2012. She said hello to the world 1 day earlier than my EDD, just like her 2 elder sisters. I really waited till the last minute before going to the hospital. I started to feel the contractions since midnight. But I still asked hubby to go to work that morning. It was a Saturday, and yes, he works on Saturdays. I still prepared lunch and dinner like normal. But by the time I prepared dinner, the pain was really intense that I have to get a chair to sit down in between cooking. I was actually struggling already. I wanted to call hubby but then don't know why I abandoned the idea. I told myself that he is coming back soon. I served the girls their dinner and bathed them. I was thinking to eat first instead of waiting to eat with hubby like I normally do, in case the baby really is coming out soon,. I don't want to missed meal like what happened when I gave birth to the eldest. I missed breakfast, lunch and only had very late light dinner at night. In the end, I waited to eat with hubby. That proves to be a very wrong decision. By the time hubby is back, my contraction is really bad and at very short interval. So we were thinking like maybe we quickly have our dinner and then prepare to go to hospital. After a few spoons, hubby said maybe I shouldn't eat, in case I need to go for surgery. So, I end up missing my dinner this round as well. I think he doesn't know how intense is the contraction as he was like still taking his own sweet time. I really can't stand the pain already. So, I shouted at him to be quick. He quickly finished his dinner, took a shower, tuck the girls to bed, boiled red dates water to bring to the hospital. Then we quickly drove to the hospital at around 12.30am. When we reached, hubby asked whether do I need a wheelchair. Although the pain at this stage was already unbearable, I declined and I walked to the labour room with his support. When we reached the labour room, the nurses quickly do the initial examination. It was only then that I realised that my cervix is already 6cm dilated. One of the nurse, quickly gave a call to the doctor. The doctor thought that he was being called to attend to the next room lady who had came in quite sometime ago. The nurse told him that he is in fact needed here for me. The doctor had since the beginning of my pregnancy trying to brainwash me to opt for c-section. I had told him since the first time I went to see him that I am definitely going for vaginal birth. My first was through c-section. My second was a VBAC. The doctor told me that not necessary that if I have 1 successful VBAC, I will have subsequent successful VBAC. In the labour room, he still continued to mumble the same thing over and over again. Although my cervix had fully dilated, but the baby haven't descend. So the doctor asked me to push while he tried to vacuum and see whether the baby will descend or not. He said the vacuum still can't touch the baby's head as it has yet to descend. So if this doesn't work, then I have no choice but to go for c-section. I was pushing as hard as I could and finally the baby's head descended and the doctor vacuum her out.

I had very bad experience with c-section. So I tried to avoid for subsequent births. I was unable to move or sit up by myself for 2 weeks post surgery. By the end of the 1st month post surgery only I felt better. I have to care for Cheryl by myself when i gave birth to Celine and subsequently I have to care for 2 of them when I gave birth to Chloe. So, I told myself I can't go for c-section again. Else, I won't be able to care for them. I also have to work at home during my maternity  leaves as there is nobody else in office that could do my job. I wouldn't be able to do all these if I can't get up during these period. 

Then another problem crept up. The confinement lady that we hired can't come. She still have 1 week plus before she complete her current job. I am so angry with her. When we engaged her, there is a gap of 1 month plus between her latest assignment and me. So, it is very unlikely to clash. I think she took in another assignment. The first 2 weeks was the most difficult period that I have. Chloe was having very high jaundice. I have to travel to hospital very often and I did a lot of walking. I do not have enough rest. I also accompanied Chloe while she was hospitalised for jaundiced. I really regret hiring this useless confinement lady. During her stay with us, the house was so dirty. Everything and everywhere was so dirty that to clean up the place is a major task. There were sticky gravies and sauces all over the fridge. Not to mentioned the floor and sofa. I remembered hubby scolded Celine when he saw food stains on the sofa as he thought she was the one who dirty the place. But it was not Celine, as I saw that confinement lady sitting on that sofa having her meal while enjoying the tv in the afternoon. Cheryl and Celine would never have their meals on sofa. So, it can't be them. When she brings out rubbish from the kitchen, dirty liquid from the garbage bag will drip on the floor from kitchen to the dining hall and living hall all the way out of the door. She doesn't even take any initiative to wipe them away. This happens everyday till one day, hubby can't stand it anymore. He told her off and asked her to clean up if she is the one who makes the place dirty. 

There was also a few times when hubby need to buy food for me from outside as the confinement lady can't do her work properly. She doesn't have proper planning. Chloe was having prolonged jaundice. So when the confinement lady came, she needs to bring Chloe to the hospital for her check-up. She was so surprised that she is the one who is supposed to go with hubby. It is not like we never gave her notice. Everytime when Chloe need to be sent to hospital for check-up, we would let her know a day earlier so she can plan her task properly. I remembered there was a time when I have nothing to drink and eat till she came back at almost 2pm. I was so hungry and thirsty. End up, hubby bought rice from the roasted pork shop  for my lunch.

She was always talking on her phone. Even when my parents came to visit me, she locked herself and baby in the room talking on the phone. I am so angry with her. She is really crazy. My parents came from so far away, travelling on the road for 2 hours just to see the baby and the crazy lady just locked herself and the baby in the room. It is just so unacceptable. I was practically counting the days till she leave. When she left, I went to to her room's toilet to check. Gosh, the toilet is so dirty.the toilet bowl was not properly flushed. There were shit stains. The toilet is really very dirty.I really wonder how her house looks like. :-(